She was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling.
... Wille had told her she'd gotten taller.
But she still felt guilty about the kiss.
Neda had someone else she liked, after all.
But Lesa was scared that if she died, she would've never gotten to even try to let Neda know her feelings.
... So she had taken the coward's way out.
She held up the good luck charm the Thrace cadet girls had gotten her.
She had to stay alive.
She had to reforge herself.
She couldn't become strong the way Wille or Nova were if she was stuck in the same weak flesh she'd always had.
She had to throw herself into the crucible the second they arrived.
... And she was scared of that, but it was the only thing she knew to do in order to make herself happy.